Finding My Way: How I Had to Go into the Wilderness of My Soul to Find Myself.

What is the "wilderness of your soul"

It's that deep untamed, wild, pure, sometimes dark, sometimes scary, unpredictable part of ourselves.

We naturally try to stay away from that space within us.

Imagine being in an unknown jungle. You don't know the animals. You don't know the insects. You don't know if the water is safe to drink. You can hear and see all of the noises and movements around you, but you are alone. Can someone please turn the lights on and show me the way out? That's my job? Ok great. I'm just gonna sit here and cry my eyes out for a minute.

My journey into the wilderness started 9 years ago.

The journey into me.

I "arrived" at a point in my life where the outside looked very appealing - like I had MADE it.

(What's that even really mean?")

I had a relatively successful business.

I had left my main career focus to start what I thought was my true soul path.

My kids were doing great!

I was still married and well we liked each other.

So, if all that looked good- why didn't it feel good?

Was this just grown-up life?

Then one of the hardest seasons came into my life. My dad was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer.

Overnight I went from the "my life is great" to "WTF am I doing, why am I here, why is this happening to me?"

It took me many years to get here and, I definitely couldn't see it at the time, but that season was the catalyst for me. If my life was so good, why didn't I feel good? Why was I so lost, so disconnected from myself- spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally?

With out any regrets I poured a lot of time into my dad. Helping him, spending time with him, supporting and connecting with him. He was one of my life's greatest teachers and he still continues to teach me.

After he crossed over I felt so lost in myself.

After the "Twilight Zone" - that's what I call the immediate period and sometimes up to years after someone dies. It's the most insane, bizarre, wildly unpredictable time.

I had always been curious about personal growth, but more in a toxic positivity culturally acceptable kind of way.

This journey didn't feel like that.

It was raw, it was intense, it was emotional, painful, beautiful, confusing, dark, light, blissful.

This journey was the complexity of the complete range of emotions and being. The capacity to be with it all.

I often go back to the book and the movie "The Shack" when I think of the wilderness of the soul. In this scene the holy sprit had taken a father who had last his daughter to a beautiful garden. The most lush flowers, trees, and plants were in this garden. Each different and with different areas. This garden was the garden of his soul. Together they started to dig up the area were his daughter represented. Not out of hate or desire to replace or forget her, but out of the love that something new needed to grow there. She was still there; it was just a different looking garden.

When I first saw that it was a week after my dad crossed over.

I cried hysterically. Snot running, loud sobbing, gasping kind of cry- and let's just say I don't cry pretty. I'm pretty sure everyone in that movie theater was like what is going on with that girl.

Such a beautiful metaphor for the seasons that we go through within our soul, our journey in this physical body, and that sometimes we've got to dig stuff up so something new can be invited in.

So why now? Why share my thoughts now?

I love to write and share words; I love to get my thoughts out. I've been wanting to start a blog for a while now, but you know life always happens and we put everything ahead of what we desire. I'm now finding more space in my life to be able to share my thoughts, to be curious about my thoughts, and honestly to start a new journey of becoming.

Our words are magic.

The spells we weave in our tapestry of life.

I started this blog with my own personal ground zero so you can start to be curious about what your ground zero was and how you landed in the wilderness. In time, you learn to love the wilderness, the beauty and rawness of it. The truth of its essence.

You learn it's not something to fear.

But a part of you to love.

Full disclosure: I am not a professional writer. I am doing this blog for me, and to serve I'm sure someone.

I'm messy, a little chaotic (I have massive fire placements), and a lot of passions. This is going to be a place for me to share deeper thoughts (not always social media friendly) about everything my mind and soul longs to share.

My personal journey, my love for coaching, astrology, energy, akashic records, women, relationships, marriage, motherhood, business.

If your here. Thank you.

If you've been lost in the wilderness-you're not alone.

Welcome Wildy Rooted Woman.